On Desire

I came across scribbles of quotes from old notepads about desire. Aaaah, that strong feeling we call desire! Desire for a particular woman cost Jacob 14 years of labour to her father. Uriah prematurely lost his life and wife because of David's unbridled desire. Desire caused Jesus' relentless pursuit of me and His life in exchange for mine. Man can control it somewhat but only in God's hands does it become a purposeful and God-honouring tool.

“… pursuit is proof of desire.” Mike Murdock.

"Desire, ask, believe, receive." Stella Terrill Mann

"There is one quality that one must possess to win, and that is definiteness of purpose, the knowledge of what one wants and a burning desire to possess it." Napoleon Hill

“It is one thing to desire and it is another thing to be prepared to receive what you desire.” ???

Not a Word: Stopping to Smell the Roses

Teach me to pray

I am sure the disciples had been praying all their life before they had met Jesus Christ and before they had began to follow Him. Also the disciples were Jews. For which Jew didn’t know the act of prayer or at least know about prayer? And I’m quite sure they had been praying with Jesus before that blessed day according to Luke 11. They had come to Jesus after one of his solitary prayer sessions and one of the disciples asked Him to teach them the discipline of prayer. And He taught what is famously called, The Lord’s Prayer.

I’ve prayed The Lord’s Prayer a countless times, most of them in my primary school days at morning assembly time. I have prayed as a kid, in groups and on my own. I also remember a few prayer times with my best friend in my teen years. Even before I came to Christ, I knew what prayer was about and knew that God existed. I just didn’t know about the relationship aspect of God in Christ; that He wanted me to come to Him as his daughter and servant and in return, that He will be my Father and God.

Like the disciples, I find myself sincerely asking God to teach me how to pray in the past 2 months or so. For the more I reach for a manifestation of who He is, the more I realize the need for depth, clarity in my utterances. I may have thought I knew how to pray but in fact, I didn’t. It’s no wonder the writer of Romans says in chapter 8:26-27 that the Spirit helps us to pray to point that He even makes intercession for us, for we don’t know what we ought to pray for.

I find myself having to borrow and buy books on prayer, asking God to lead me to pray specifically for change not only in my life but in the life of others. It’s somewhat an unlearning and relearning process, fraught with new insights. Most of all, I love what God is teaching me about Himself!

Praise Sunday

Still on gratitude... yep.

My church had her Praise Service, on 6th July, 2008. Strictly no preaching!

The presence of God was so rich and palpable.

I didn't bring my camera to church for the purpose of taking photos of the Praise and Worship team, but rather for a scheduled interview after church. I'm not the kind to observe people during worship or praise, but other people were taking pictures and I had my camera handy! So, I joined the paparazzi... :) It was a bit distracting because I really wanted to worship God and dance not take photos!

And the after church, just before I was interview a member for our church magazine, BINGO- the praise team was doing a photo shoot! And I invited myself for a few shots!

I don't know what they were looking at but certainly not me!

Say "Cheese!"

So this post is dedicated to the Praise Team at my church. And they are so dedicated to God, individually and as a team.

Praiz God!

Mid-year Ramblings of Gratitude

By reflecting on my life and half-year happenings, I’m overwhelmed by the love, goodness, faithfulness and mercies of God. In all sincerity, I don’t know where I’d be without my God and Father in heaven. It was fitting to have our Praise Service the first Sunday in July at church. And my, did I dance to the glory of God.

There is so much to be thankful to God for - from the daily provision of basic life needs for myself and family, to the safe journeys of my constantly traveling family members and to the birth of first sons by treasured friends whom I call sisters. I’m also grateful to God for the great deliverance He has given me. It’s amazing the freedom that God gives and how He’s able to sustain this freedom in Christ. For answering many little, un-uttered, heartfelt prayers beyond my imaginations and expectations. I am so thankful to God.

At the beginning of this year, a former work colleague told me that 2008 was a year of overflow for him. Thus he wasn’t going to fast this year but rather feast on the overflowing harvest from 2007. True to his word, he made a personal party out of his lunch hours that it awed my former work colleagues and I.

I responded that for me, this is not year of feasting but a year of soul-searching, of fasting, of breaking strongholds of the enemy in my life and of new beginnings.

One new thing has been the swift transition to a new job which I started in February this year. I remember in mid 2007 I was in dire need of direction about a job change. I didn’t know from where and when this change would come. I remember wondering why all the doors were closed every time I put in an application at that time.

Yet, I felt God impress it on my heart that I should wait on Him for this change I was desirous of. I clung to the Psalms, esp. 62, 37, 121 and Proverbs 3:5-6. The primordial hymns, “Great is thy Faithfulness,” and “Oh God, our help in ages past,” were constantly played in my inner heart. Those blessed words birthed a hope of a future that I could not see with my physical eyes but believed would assuredly be mine because of the One I decided to look to in obedience to His instruction. And when He finally did open the door early this year… it was such a speedy thing that I find it mind boggling.

I can recount what He has done but I know I won’t be able to finish telling stories upon stories upon stories. The testimonies of God can not been squeezed into a blog post… Besides would you have time to read them all? There will be more opportunities to share of God’s power and love on earth here, some on this blog, others face-to-face, etc…. and when the time is ripe, in a book!

Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Lyrics by Johnston Oatman Jr.

Of Careers and Callings: My experience so far 2

After working for three years in the market place, since completing graduate school, I still don’t know what I want to be in the future.

Whaaaaaaaat? Did I read you correctly? Or this is some typo error?

Be assured, there are no typos in that statement. Yeah, your eyebrows are raised, I can see but I’m not ashamed to say it! I gleefully clap that you’re taken aback by this public confession.

In a recent but brief conversation with one of my favourite former professors, who made us crash at night for good grades, he asked what I was currently doing in the area of career pursuits. I dutifully told him that I was working with a research project. Now, when you say you work with a project, it always presupposes a short term stint and for the most part the assumption is justified. But my project is for 5 years and has 4 years more to go, I explained to him. And then he asked towards the end of the conversation that after this project, what did I permanently want to do?

Tell him that I still don’t know what to do or that I genuinely want to be a wife and mother permanently? But fearing that I might be misunderstood as a desperate single seeking a husband, I told him something like this, which is really what I believe:

I don’t think I’d want to restrict myself by saying that I want to be specifically this or that, but I move as God leads me. I use the biblical guideline that whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all you heart, Ecc. 9:10a. So I don’t put restrictions on what my future calling or career pursuit might be.

I must qualify that I do know the gifts, talents, skills and training that I’ve received so I will do whatever my heart finds to do within the gifts and skills I have, guided by God’s Word and the Spirit’s leading. I cannot be an astronaut because I don’t have the slightest clue of what it takes to be one nor do I have the accreditation for such a pursuit. All I know, with greatest apologies to astronauts, is that they are bagged in bloated clothing to float outside the earth in great explorations. So I wouldn’t do things outside what I know I can do or have the inclination to learn to do.

For me, getting to this point of acceptance and admittance has been a long and winding road; it is almost an unspeakable taboo to say that you don’t know what to do in the future. Sometimes within Christian circles, pastors and teachers beat the youth up with knowing the specific call of God upon your life and pursuing it talk. And when they don’t get that position or job or don’t know what that specific calling is, the young people torture themselves emotionally. I’ve been one of those poor misguided souls in the past.

I will not be restricted to a position or job; I’m too gifted and versatile for that. Neither am I Jack of all trades. A few years in the market place has taught me that there is such a vast room for learning and acquiring new skills. I’ve also learnt that I need to brave the un-ventured trails; is that not what is called adventure? I believe that I’m made to discover more of who I am as a person and as a woman. Can anything be more worth pursuing that just what God wants me to be? If I am made to be like-Christ, then I want to be the-woman-like-Christ, Romans 8:29-30.

Did I study Elective Science in senior secondary school? No. So you know that I’m neither a doctor, a lawyer, nor an engineer. But I’m glad to say that I at least, know the basics of what engineers do for a living. :) And…. next time you see me, don’t ask me whether I’ve finally figured out what I want to be or to do in the future, because I’m already living life. And it’s good.

Read part 1 here.

Of Careers and Callings: My experience so far

If you had asked me what I wanted to be in the future, when I was about 5 or 6 years old, I would have told you that I wanted to be one of these three, depending on the mood I was in: an engineer, a doctor, or a lawyer. I knew what went into being a lawyer at that age and a doctor, considering that I fell sick so often in my childhood, but I didn’t have a faintest idea what engineers did. All I knew was that it seemed that these three professions were the ‘right’ careers to mention to an older person and your peers as your future career pursuits.

At ten years, I wanted so much to be a French teacher because I enjoyed being in the home of my best friend and her brothers, sitting at the feet of a French teacher, Monsieur Nuru, after school. He taught us fancy songs, rhythmic poems that got me hooked to the notion that being a French teacher might be just the right calling after all.

By the time I was preparing to get into senior secondary school, I was ready to go back to being a doctor and so I took my studies in Science seriously. I remember participating in Science class discussions with such eagerness that I earned a nickname. For some reason - and only now do I see it as a prudent enquiry on behalf of his daughter- my father sought the counsel of my late head master on whether it was advisable for me to pursue Science as an elective in secondary school considering my grades so far. I had missed my first year of junior secondary school by spending a year abroad too. The verdict? It would be prudent to study General Arts that was geared towards the Humanities in the University. And my, I was crushed. But not crushed enough not to try to prove that I could improve my grades for this medical doctor pursuit.

After working for three years in the market place, since completing graduate school, I still don’t know what I want to be in the future.

Whaaaaaaaat? Did I read you correctly? Or this is some typo error?

To be continued...

Read part 2 here.