Not-so-Happy Mother's Day

I love Mother’s Day because it gives me the opportunity to celebrate my mom …and me: a future mama. : -)

But this season tends to remind others of their unfulfilled dreams. Arms that never carried their own baby. Full hearts that ache to pour out love into children they can call their own.

“Why does she get pregnant and have a baby within 9 months of her wedding and I don’t?”
“Oh, God… what more prayers do I have to say before You’ll let me carry my own child? Just one baby will do, that’s all!”

It gets very uncomfortable in church settings when a baby is brought up to be dedicated to the LORD by parents.  “But what about me, God?” At family gatherings, your name is left out when grandchildren are being introduced.

And there are those who had children out of wedlock, who have had to struggle and are struggling to cater for their child(ren). The other half who contributed to the conception of the child is nowhere to be found, even if he’s around, he doesn’t care… or so it seems.

And there are those who are single parents because their marriage broke down. But the children still need to be cared for.

And there is yet another category of mothers who are widows; the ill-timed enemy called death came and took away their husbands.

How about those unmarried women who long to be mothers?

For some strange reason, I’m burdened for those who are yet to be mothers (married or unmarried) and those who are mothers but in less than ideal circumstances, this Mother’s day.

There is a Bible chapter that I want to share, with those who find what is supposed to be a joyous occasion, a reminder of what is yet to be or what could  or would have been. I’m not going to offer my thoughts on it but I’d say… prayerfully read, Isaiah 54, and let God speak to you.

Sharing in the pain, yet standing in faith that God does impossible things (Matthew 19:26).

Blessings,
Lady Akofa.

Interesting reads Here and There

I don’t plan for this kind of post to be a series as some bloggers do. I just had to share!

Mouth Dropping Sculpture
I’m a bride of Christ and came across Bride of Christ ministries during an online search few years ago. David Magiera has released a mouth dropping sculpture. I keep thinking “wow,” every time I look intensely at the image. Go “wow” yourself too by clicking here, haha!

Impact Value of Jobs
I have a pastor friend who considers his calling/job as the most important of all jobs in the world. I've often felt slighted by his repeated assertion. I’d usually respond, “Well, I don’t aspire to be a pastor, I think it’s a tedious job. You always must be the beck and call of others and at odd times too.” At least, my pastor friend seems to enjoy his work and that’s a good thing. Well, a pastor is different from a psychologist, yet they deal with people. A cook and a seamstress met different needs. But are their impact value the same? Check this article out.

Where myths are shattered: Ready or not
Should you have completed college/grad. school before you marry? Or must you be established in your career before you tie the knot? Isn't that what most of our parents, teachers and well meaning friends advise? This article does shatter some myths about a person’s readiness for marriage.

Fun Bible Infographic
Tim Challies has created this colourful infographic on the books of the Bible. Go grab it.

Pastor Comparison <> Encourage your own pastor
In Ghana, there are instances of “pastor comparison” and “church comparison” going on.
“My church is better than yours,’cos we have a 24 hour prayer team, 7 days a week.”
“My pastor operates in the prophetic so he must be more anointed than yours.”
Never heard John Piper preach but I’ve read some of his stuff (Books & Blog). I think he’s cool, whatever cool means to you, haha! Check this article out and appreciate your pastor just as he is!

Encouraging read for women
This article is for all women, whether married or unmarried, whether a stay-at-home mom or not, women do have some “home-cares.” It’s an encouraging read… guys, you may want to read too, so that you can encourage your wives, female relatives and friends.

I hope you found something useful here.

Happy Blog Hopping,
Lady Akofa.

Lady Akofa’s WHAT EVERY WOMAN NEEDS IN HER WARDROBE

Obviously, this is a vain list… for people like moi who have such time to think up such a list… Of course, not all women can afford this, I know. And most women have lived without these items. But what does it matter?  Do I have all these items? Nope!

This may well be my 1st submission for “Vanity Fair” magazine, wink, wink. For the sake of silliness, humor, vanity, self-indulgence, I also seek your indulgence! :-) Pun definitely intended! :-)

1.    A simple black dress, that can be worn with coloured accessories over and over again.
2.    A pair of coloured shoes, bag, scarf or shawl, earrings; all to match.
3.    A simple stud pearl earrings and a matching necklace.
4.    A long black skirt/ knee-length black skirt/ a pair of black trousers that can be worn with any coloured or any multi-coloured blouse.

5.    If married, a lingerie is a must. I’m sure Dear Husband will appreciate more than one though.

That’s it! Vanity Shop is CLOSED. Thanks for stopping by. :-)
 

God bless ya,
Lady Akofa.

Of Key holders and Love

There is a new trend in Ghana where couples give gifts to their guests at marriage ceremonies. They are often pens, a set of jewelry or necklace for ladies, can openers, book markers, a set of mini-towels, mugs and... key holders. Some of the gifts can be as glamourous as big hampers full of assorted goodies, if the couple is well-to-do or if one or both of the married couple are from rich families. It doesn't matter whether it's a customary, Muslim or Christian/ordinance marriage ceremony.

Often the couple's names and date of the ceremony are scribbled on the gift as a memorial. It's nice to receive these gifts but sometimes it gets redundant... needless to say, I have a several key holders and I'm looking for people to pass them to, haha!

Above: not a wedding gift...

A wedding gift... I turned it upside down so as not to reveal the names.

I think it was a birthday gift, but I don't remember, haha!

Cheers,
Lady Akofa.

The Ultimate Woo-er

At a group bible study yesterday, I was reminded of God’s commitment to love us and humanity’s incapability to love the way He does. A lady was confounded by her own inability to love God with complete abundance and felt her love for God was inadequate. Her concern portrayed a desire to go deeper in her walk with the LORD.

♥♥♥

God reminded me of 1 John 4:10-11, which I shared with the lady. The gist is this: we are incapable of love because of sin in our hearts. God loved us first by extending His mercy through His Son, Jesus Christ. As we feed on the love He lavishes on us, we in turn love Him and this love overflows to others without inhibition.

♥♥♥

Yes, we love, but only as human beings do which basically is to love those who love us. However, the love of God extends even to our ‘enemies,’ and strangers and that’s only possible with the help of the Holy Spirit.

♥♥♥

Another precious sister explained it further this way: God is the suitor just like any young man seeking to court a lady. Until a young man comes a lady’s way, the lady is not capable of loving him because she doesn’t know him. But as he pursues and the lady chooses to be receptive to the attention and the expressed desire, a love relationship begins and they get to know each other.

♥♥♥

Oftentimes, if all things goes well, there is a desire to commit for life in a marital agreement. In marriage, the journey of knowing each other and loving each other continues. I’ve heard older married couples say that they loved each other when they were young but now that they are old, they love each much more than they did in the past.

♥♥♥

So when you’re stuck and unsatisfied with your ‘level’ of love for God don’t be alarmed. God is not seeking perfect love from you. He is aware that you’re not fully capable of that just yet but you’ll grow in love as you CHOOSE to spend time getting to know Him. All He asks for is your desire. Are you desirous for authenticity and depth? Can the desire translate into a daily choice of pursuit and receptiveness?

♥♥♥

God is in the business of wooing us into a deeper love relationship with Him through Jesus Christ, His Son. Jesus Christ is the Groom and You are His Bride. Allow Him to woo you. Allow Him to pour out precious jewels of love into your heart. Delight in His love like the beautiful, blushing bride you are! :-)

♥♥♥

Basking in His love,
Lady Akofa.

In the News!

I don’t know whether it is because Ghana now has a Domestic Violence Act/ Law thus more people are reporting gender based violence than before or whether it seems we have a few insightful journalists or it’s just an increase in gender based violence in general but about 3 weeks ago I was going through December ‘09 and January ‘10 newspapers for work related purposes and was heartbroken over the reports. Too many gender-based violence reports.

There was a woman seeking justice for having been falsely accused of witchcraft- what her husband's family put her through is quite unimaginable. I dare not repeat the horrific things the report claims this woman went through.

Stories of jealous husbands/boyfriends who had allegedly killed their wives/girlfriends on suspicion of being unfaithful. Some in turn committed suicide… Romeo and Juliet saga, you’d say.

There was a story of a depressed woman who was alleged to have poisoned and killed all her 5 kids. She committed suicide a few days later. In response to the report, an elderly colleague was aghast, “There are many women looking for just one child to claim as their own! Look at this woman, she killed all her five kids like chickens!” The woman was alleged to have left a journal chronicling her sad thoughts.

And of a 9 year old girl raped by a much older man who could be her grandfather.

What did the 9 year old girl do to merits such unspeakable treatment? It is not the old man’s unbridled sexual desire and evil intent that caused this girl’s innocence to be taken rather rudely? If not because of lack of trust, unbridled anger and jealousy, why would a man choose to end the life of the one he claims to love? If only that depressed woman had known that God is the lifter of our heads and could deliver her from the pit then perhaps, at least those innocent 5 kids would have been alive today.

Interestingly, my dad had stopped by my office to look for a specific article in one of the newspapers and as he was going through them, he made a comment, “Look at these” he pointed to several pages in an issue, “there are a lot of rape stories in the papers these days.” He independently made the same observation that I’d made a few days earlier!

This is just Ghana. I know there are all kinds of things happening the world over. And it's depressing to get to read or hear about them. Yet there are many more untold stories that don’t make it to the newspapers, radio, television or the internet. Maybe you have an untold story of a similar nature.

Despite the doom and gloom of such news reports... I do know this: There is HOPE. Where you say? In JESUS CHRIST. That’s the only person I know who offers hope. He can redeem us from self and sin that manifest in such ugly acts and incidents.

While sin and Satan's plans lead to destruction, God's business through Jesus Christ is restoration and life. His business is salvation. His business is complete deliverance and healing. His business is freedom from sin and Satan so that one can live an abundant, Christ-glorifying life. And most of all, his business is making victorious survivors of victims and even perpetrators of such rather unfortunate incidents. (Every italicized word, phrase in this paragraph is a Hope-FULL link, for your encouragement, so check the links out! :-))

As you read the newspapers or listen to the news from now on, see them as tidbits, as it were, for prayer for the people involved and for God to redeem the situation. It doesn’t have to be a big thing as Haiti’s earthquake in January or celebrity gossip that we often hear about. Even if the details of the reports are fuzzy, even so, pray for the people involved so that the Truth will stand out.

Yes, food for thought! Pray for somebody's soul!

God bless ya,
Lady Akofa.

Wildly Curious too? You betta read now!

I’m gonna re-post a question asked by Latukane last December in one of my comment sessions here. I'm sure readers of this blog may try to reconcile what I post with links on my side bar. For a very long time, I had no listings of ‘fave’ webs or blogs on my side bar. Yet, I took the plunge one day. Resulting from that simple act, Latukane asks a question. Please see our correspondence below:


Hello Lady Akofa,

I am wildly curious here. With reference to your blogs of interest and their themes, do you also desire to be a stay at home wife and mom as well as homeschool, should the Lord bless you with marriage?

Thanks, Latukane in AFRICA.
December 2, 2008 8:04 AM


ladyakofa said...
Hi Latukane,

I'm drawn to these blogs because of what they teach about BIBLICAL WOMANHOOD, not necessarily the stay at home mom or daughter, homeschool themes.

In my opinion, being a stay at home mom or homeschooling doesn't make a person more godly than another who works outside the home and sends her kids to school. It's just a matter of choice, conviction and how you chose to glorify God within those choices and His leading.

Now, to answer your question... To be a wife and mom, yes. To homeschool or stay at home... that's a decision my future husband & I will have to make, should I be blessed with this opportunity.

Living on the African continent, the practice of marriage and motherhood is remotely different from the blogs I've linked to and I'm quite aware of this. :) Realistically, I'm not seeking that my future family life will look like the writers linked to... far from it. I just haven't found any African, Christian blog that is REGULARLY updated and that primarily deals with the topic of biblical womanhood yet.

If you have any suggestions for great Christian, African blogs on godly womanhood, I'll love to have links to them and check them out. Thanks!
December 2, 2008 12:00 PM

Anonymous said...
Greetings Lady Akofa, Latukane over here. Thank you for your gracious reply.

I understand about there being a dearth of any African links with the theme of Biblical Womanhood. It is good to know that you are willing to discuss certain subjects with your (Lord-willing) future husband.

I know that things are somewhat different on the African Continent, yet, I have real faith in the Lord that any cultural difference can be bridged as long as God's standards as revealed in the Word are adhered to.

Personally, I have convictions in the direction of homeschooling as well as being a stay at home Mom, because FOR ME, that is God's revelation. I too do not for a moment believe that working outside of the home and sending children to school is a sin, I mean after all, that would mean I was raised in sin and my mother has sinned irrevocably through all my years of life!

For interests sake, it was KCM ministries through the BVOV magazine that 'discipled' me in being rooted in the Christian faith. I had no one ecxept the Holy Spirit, the Bible and that Magazine.

The only possible links I can think of are 'The Reformation Society' and 'Africa Christian Action'. Googling these titles should provide a link.

Thank you once again, for your reply.
December 3, 2008 6:36 AM

ladyakofa said...
My pleasure, Latukane and thanks for your recommendations. I'll google them and see.

Lady Akofa.:)

I did google the recommended phrases and found some interesting webs, but I think they are a bit context limiting to some extent.

So I'm on a life-long search for more of who God wants me to be: A woman of God, living by Grace, enjoying the richness of life that comes from a growing relationship with Him through Christ Jesus.

Have a bliss-FULL, rest-FULL weekend,
Akofa.





Hugs!

I’ve been thinking about hugs lately.

Last Sunday, I observed a bubbly, 5 or 6 year old girl bask in pleasure after one of her many aunts in Christ gave her a big, motherly hug while we exchanged greetings during church service. She shrieked and wiggled with glee. Amused, I walked up to her and asked her, “Would you like another one?” Of course she didn’t mind.

Then yesterday in church, one of my Sunday school kids walked up to me, “Auntie, Happy Valentine,” with a big, kiddie hug. The hug came at the time I was trying to get 20 plus kids to settle down so that we could start our lesson. Aaaaww! A heart melting hug from a sweet kid. Like the first lil’ girl, I’m still relishing in my Valentine hug. : )

Gary Chapman, talks about physical touch as one of the love languages in his seminal book, The Five Love languages. This book has been instrumental in helping me to understand that people express love in different ways. I love receiving and giving hugs but it’s neither my primary nor secondary love language. One of my close friend’s primary language is physical touch and whenever we meet, it’s all sisterly hugs and kisses. And I do these because of her.

I normally extend my hand when greeting people but I’m mostly ok with it if the other person prefers a hug. I often assume that physical touch is their love language. On my recent trip to Egypt, I found out that cheek kisses are normal greetings. When my sister and I discussed this with my parents, my dad also talked about another culture, I think New Zealand, where people look into each other’s faces and rub their noses as a sign of greeting. Hehehe! And now that’s interesting!

Hugs,
Akofa. : )

Edited to add: You can check out this blog too, although it's not directly maintained by Gary Chapman himself.




Stuff around on Valentine

I really don't have anything to say this week, really and especially about Valentine's day. I was going to let the day pass without a post or a comment. Why? Because, I don't know what love is. I keep telling my friends this and will keep saying it. Love? What's that? Beats me.

Of course if you want the biblical definition, you might know that God = love, right? I heartily agree. But I don't fully know God, I'm still getting to know Him more and more.

So here is the problem or probably it's not a problem:

What is love?
God is love.
Who is He?
I'm still getting to know Him.
He can't be fully known on earth.
I know in part now but later I'll fully know.

So then, love beats me! God beats me! Some mystery, eh? :)

Anyway, I've found some interesting reads online, that I think it's worth sharing. See what Suzanne Hadley has to say to singles who have THAT attitude during this season, on Boundless line here.

Girl talk give insightful thoughts on seasons.

For single mothers who think there's no hope for restoration, this might be an encouraging read.

A 9 year old boy claims he knows a thing or two about dating and it's for Guys! I'm not recommending his book, because I haven't read it. I probably never will. But I just want you to go see the news report at BBC.

Enjoy.

Love? Clueless,
Akofa.

***Edited to add: This is really humour, so read it as such! :)




Old Love

The question is asked, "Is there anything more beautiful in life than a young couple clasping hands and pure hearts in the path of marriage? Can there be anything more beautiful than young love?"

And the answer is given. "Yes, there is a more beautiful thing. It is the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing their journey together on that path. Their hands are gnarled, but still clasped; their faces are seamed, but still radiant; their hearts are physically bowed and tired, but still strong with love and devotion for one another. Yes, there is a more beautiful thing than young love. Old love."

~Author Unknown~

I choose not to say a Word

Hmmm......There were different thoughts wildly jumping around in my small head amidst churning emotions as I read this. Hey, I choose not to say a Word! Just click here to read for yourself.

Perhaps over the weekend you might want to redefine your life goals, to see whether they are in line with the Eternal Perspective?
Or
Pray for national, religious leaders or traditional authorities?

Aaaaaaah! I've said waaay more than a Word!

Have a great weekend.

Mmawwh!

“Limbo” Relationships: Noncommittal Men and the Women who “love” them

One of the books I’ve been reading this month is Michelle McKinney Hammond’s How to Avoid the 10 Mistakes Single Women Make. One of things she writes substantiates my thoughts and predictions concerning Fair Lady’s relationship with her man, see previous post.

When a man is ready to make a commitment, he moves heaven and earth to put his life in order to accommodate the woman he has decided is the best thing since sliced bread. …..

It has been said that a man will do only what a woman allows. If you allow him to continue on in a noncommittal state, he will take full advantage of all that you have to offer without ever committing more of himself to you or the relationship. .....

It simply becomes an issue of what we choose to allow or disallow. When you act as a wife before you are a wife, chances are you will not become a wife. You have given the man nothing to aspire to. Page 164. (Emphasis added)

My Fair Lady is just one of the many who has allowed a man to take full and undue advantage of her and now, she can’t get her man to commit officially. Though she acts like a wife, she doesn’t feel like a married woman, thus her confrontational attitude about getting married.

Michelle Hammonds advises in the next page,

Whether your issue is sensitive or not, don’t allow anyone to waste you time or your emotional energy on a relationship that will not profit you emotionally or spiritually in the end. I realize that many hang on, praying that their man will someday wake up and smell the coffee. See the light or otherwise you will be sorely disappointed to find these long, drawn out relationships fading to black like a bad movie.

From godly counsel and observation, such men hardly smell the coffee. I wonder…., I doubt... (at the risk of appearing glum) that Fair Lady’s man will smell her coffee either.

Prophecy to Determine Marriage Status???

As part of my looooooong deserved vacation, I spent 10 days in Kumasi, one of my dream places. I went to braid my hair in a small kiosk of a very pretty, respectful lady. The braiding took the whole afternoon and most of early evening. Though my hair didn’t come out the way I would have liked, I was struck by the braider’s beauty and her painstaking diligence in getting my hair done.

I noticed she had a Good News Bible tucked in her things but I didn’t comment on it. In Ghana today, it seems everybody is professing to be a Christian, or so I thought.

Late afternoon, a beautiful, fair-coloured lady, whom I will call Fair Lady, walked into the Lady Braider’s kiosk with tales of marriage ceremonies she had attended over the weekend, including her brother’s. In her rich, deep voice and with an aggressive attitude, Fair Lady lamented that she had attended countless marriage ceremonies over the years and especially so, this year. Thus by hook or crook, she too must get married in 2008, otherwise she might have to advise herself with regards to the current relationship she is in. She also alluded (this is the part that got my sensors fired up), that she needed to have a prophecy from a pastor/prophet so as to determine her marital status next year. I was both surprised and amused at the conversation between Fair Lady and Lady Braider. Lady Braider’s soft-spoken response, “Everything has its own time. Your time will come and you too will be married,” won my added admiration for her. Unfortunately, Fair Lady wasn’t comforted by these words and left the kiosk a few minutes later with the same belligerent attitude she came in with.

A few minutes later, wanting to revisit their earlier conversation, partly because I was in awe of her godly response to her friend and partly because I was just curious, I asked Lady Braider, “How old is your friend that she seems incredibly eager to get married?” My request for Fair Lady’s age was denied (In Ghana, age is considered confidential) but was given more information than I hoped for. (Now, I stand at risk of being accused of gossiping, but read on, Fair Lady and Lady Braider really do not concern me. It’s doubtful that I’d meet them again, ever. But the issues raised in their conversation, is what grabbed my attention.)

According to Lady Braider, (if the story is true) Fair Lady has a 6 year old child with a man, with whom she is currently living with and is providing him with all the “wifey” services. Oooh I see…. No wonder after all these years, the man doesn’t see the need to formalize the relationship and still doesn’t today. Now, it seems Fair Lady is fighting a battle in which she’s likely to loose. And now, she needs a prophecy to determine the future of her relationship.

So I commented that since Fair Lady had already gotten herself a “husband,” how could she expect God to provide the good and godly husband she now desires? And I have a feeling that this man is not motivated to marry her officially ‘cos she is already behaving like a wife. But then if the man is coerced to marry her (as Fair Lady’s attitude seems to portray) esp. without godly counsel, I can foresee avoidable problems in their marriage in the future.

I only wish Fair Lady would quit the relationship (I know it won’t be easy for her) and seek godly counsel. I also pray she would genuinely seek God, Himself and not just a “prophecy” to fix her relationship problems or to determine her marital status in the coming year.

Not that I’ve been in this situation before nor am I married; none of the above. Lady Braider also appears to be unmarried, but we both did and do acknowledge that waiting for and on God is the Best.

And know what I found out just about when my hair was done? Lady Braider’s signboard reads: God’s Time Beauty Centre. What an extraordinary, circumstantial reminder on an ordinary day.